The other half... week 2 back in Vermont

This week was definitely a more accurate portrayal of life in Vermont for me. Some was awesome, some sucked, and some was simply a by-product of restarting here. All was interesting and weird.

The biggest thing was restarting work at UVM. It was the key piece that brought me back to Vermont after all. It was so good to be back working with guys I've grown really close to and back doing stuff for a University and area that means so much to me. Although I'm still officially part-time, I did get my keys this week and was assured the full-time gig was mine and would be just a matter of time. We had an ice maintenance course, took the ice out, did some outdoor work mowing and weed-whacking. I went to Ace hardware to buy stuff, I drove the truck, the Gator, and the Zamboni. I made jokes, and even a commercial (find it under "Remover Magic Commercial" on YouTube). I got so many welcome backs and happy smiles. It really was a great week and no matter whatever happened, is happening, or will happen UVM Athletics and the people there really make it a special place to work. I'd work there forever if I could, and maybe this time I will. Going away and coming back has given me a new perspective on what did bug me about there. Every job has it's good points and it's bad. I've realized more than ever that at UVM the good FAR outweigh the bad. I'll come back and read this blog at some point when I forget, but I'm hoping just remembering this will be enough.

As far as Vermont life went I'll admit I'm struggling with the living situation. It's no knock on my Dad or Step-Mom, who have been kind enough to take me in and feed me the occasional meal, but I've been use to life a certain way at home. Being 31 and living with parents is never really where you want to be. I try to stay out of their way and still do what I need to do, but it's hard for someone who has the heart of a "homebody" when I don't really have a home of my own. I knew this would be a factor when I came back and hopefully this issue will fade away as I begin to search for places to live and consider all options. Once I can set my stuff up and be out of boxes that will help me a great deal.

This was the first week I've been back in Vermont in almost two years where I didn't have tons of things planned, or I wasn't trying to see a ton of people, or cram a bunch of stuff in to my "visit-time." People went back to their regular lives. The glitz and glamour of my return is over. No need to rush to see me because this time I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. I knew this time would come, but again I think it would be easier if I had my own place to hang at. One day this week I was so confused that after work I drove to Weaver Street before I realized that wasn't home anymore. I drove around one night getting reacquainted with areas I hadn't been to in a long while. I'm unsettled, but it will come with time.

The fellas and I have been getting active. In addition to the psychical labor at work I've been out playing basketball and even softball. It's been good to get back to being in motion a little more than virtual farming or winning PS3 Stanley Cups. Vermont is really pretty choice in the summer and the warmer weather has finally arrived.

The biggest hole in my life right now is a regular internet connection. I don't have it in my room at my Dad's and I've used their hard line a few times, but mostly rely on work, or friends places to check in on the internet. I miss having my own setup where I could work on the website at my leisure. As JasonPiche.com is about to celebrate it's 5-year anniversary I'm not happy with my lack of updating with the site since my return, but again this will change as I settle in and have my own joint.

The absolute worst thing about being back in Vermont is all of the Boston love. Boston teams, Boston fans, the city, the accent, and Boston news. I underestimated how awesome it was to be so far away from all of that. I was a lot calmer over in Milwaukee despite having turmoil at several turns I had less hate in my life. Since all hate emanates from Boston, America's worst city, being far away from it would probably behoove my long-term living goals. I may have shortened my life by coming back. As Dan said via text "New England is full of Boston loving gaywads. You need to put them in their place." I replied that maybe it's my life's work, but I often feel I'm fighting a losing battle. These people are followers and they are too dumb to know any better. Sadly some of these people are my best friends and that's why it hurts so much. Picture your sister dating a guy who stabbed you, or your Mom shacking up with your high school bully. It hurts to see that "B" on anyones head let alone my own friends. They obviously don't want to be individuals and would rather join the local "dumb-masses." It's sad really. It's was easier before because the jump of everyone on the bandwagon was gradual. Now coming back after being away it's made it a lot to take in a little time. Didn't help that my Orlando Magic decided to not play hard at all and show no heart against the Celtics in the Eastern Conference Finals. Now an area that never pays attention to the NBA, unless the Celtics are good, are all leading bandwagon back with every "W."

I think the thing I touched on back when I was still in Milwaukee that I wanted no one to forget, and the thing I wanted people to understand most is still the big factor here. For all of you life here went on. Now I'm back and people assume I should just fit back in the way I did before, but the simple fact is... I don't. I didn't fit in that well here before, and now after having lived in the kind of area I always wanted I learned a lot about what I want from life moving forward. I have different dreams and goals now than I had before. My lifestyle, lingo, and the way I see things are very different now. I hope that over time people see not just "The Pich'" as they saw before, but also "Jason" who emerged in Milwaukee.

Another week down in my return and I'm sure the adventure has still just begun!

The past week... the 802 welcomes me back.

A week ago I sat in my room in Oak Creek, Wisconsin. With a heavy heart I struggled to take pieces of the many things in my head and write them in a manner that could make since to anyone. I wove from idea to idea, took time to compose myself, and even quoted Miley Cyrus.

A week later I'm more composed. Things in Vermont are falling in to place gradually. It's going to be a long process, but so far so good.

I arrived back last Friday evening and joined an already scheduled bash. I was attacked for a hug so hard by one, Jess Buchanan, that she actually had a concussion! It was good to reunite with some old friends, and the next evening the official return bash scheduled for the Weav' was awesome too. Lots of people stopped in and a great time was had by all. I had a little more to drink than usual, but it was a fun time.

This week I've been spending some time with friends doing a bunch of different stuff. Monday was cards at the Weav'. Tuesday was softball with Jay, and an evening at the Weav' to watch 'Lost' like old times. Wednesday was the arrival of my stuff in the truck, an interview at UVM, and an evening with Justin and Michelle to watch the Canadiens game 7 victory over the Pittsburgh Penguins. Tomorrow it's time to get me a local bank account, pay some bills, and set up my room a little with the things I'll need rather than living completely out of boxes for who knows how long.

My dad and step-mom are out of town right now, which also reminds me to congratulate my step-brother Jamie and his wife on the birth of their second child. Therefore I've had the pad mostly to myself as I look after their dog, Dusty, and cat, Boo-Boo. Things will be much different when they return but it's been nice to have some alone time as I transfer back to Vermont living. I am so grateful to be able to live here so I can save money on rent because I have to pay rent for a couple more months back to Milwaukee until the lease runs out. However being a 31-year-old guy who likes to have his own space... at some point this will bother me. But I realize sacrifices had to made to make this whole thing work.

The pieces are all in sight but it will be a while until I feel "all the way back." My patience will be aided by my knowledge that things will only get better and are not terribly far away.

There have been many things that have made me feel weird already... mostly little things. I'll adjust. Sometimes I get the feeling like I'm on vacation but I always remind myself, and others, that there's no rush to see me in a limited time... I'm not going anywhere this time.

Next week I'll begin working again at UVM. It may still be a little while before the wheels turn to get me on full-time, but they have to take the ice out, host graduation, and then put the ice back in the next few weeks so I'll have plenty of work as a "part-timer." Hopefully not for too long. The interview today went about as well as anyone could have ever hoped for and I was glad to see that everyone there really welcomes my comeback. I'm excited to work with a great group of guys again and share some of what I've learned while away. I really have been impressed with the way things have changed at UVM even as I was leaving and I can't wait to get back to doing what I do. It's the major cog in why I moved back now and the biggest part of making me feel that "all the way back."

In fact everyone has been really glad that I'm back and it may sound obvious to say, but it's meant a lot to hear the words I've heard from folks leading up to and after my return. I've been praised for my risk taking ability, or "balls" as the kids say, for taking a shot at my dream and walking away from a great situation to try something on my own. I've been missed in a comedy stand-point with my wacky views and even hate for Boston.

Mostly I'm glad to be back to be a bigger part of my friends lives again. I missed being there for a friend in need. I missed lending an ear, or opinion. I missed seeing their families grow, or being there for them if they shrunk. I've realized this fact lately: I have a lot of friends that I would hug hello, and even more that would get a solid handshake. It kind of made me realize that I've touched a lot of people in a positive way and I form close relationships with many people. I was away from them all so long I think I forgot just how many there were.

So as week 1 of being back in Vermont comes to a close I will welcome my Dad home (and happy birthday on the 13th!), and also continue re-carving out my place here. I still have to find that future place to live, get my license renewed, do all that car stuff, and finish paying bills from Milwaukee. It's been an interesting first week and I hope that the climb I'm on back to the top of life in Vermont goes a little easier than my attempts in Milwaukee. So far... so good. Thanks to everyone!

A quick note that I'm working on a farewell Milwaukee video, and thanks blog. My computer time has been shorter since moving back but I'll work on it as I can. I refuse to rush it and have it not be something I'm proud of. The folks there deserve better than that!

Farewell Address

I've probably been writing parts of this blog for the past few months in my head. Now here I sit, my last night in Wisconsin, and it's time to put some of it down. Tonight the folks I've met here in Milwaukee came together for a last second outing and it was the perfect way to live out the last night here. PichStock4 kicked off last night and thanks to all who came out. After I've had more time to digest it all I plan a special blog dedicated to the fine folks I met during my time here... as of tomorrow that "here" should read "there," and, yes, even that makes me sad.

Over the past month, as I announced my move back to Vermont, life has become surreal. I've drank in moments I know I'll never live again and, no, "drank in" didn't mean I had adult beverages. I drank in simple things like restaurants, radio stations, and sights. Bigger things like locations, and people I've become quite fond of. I guess I've known for awhile that I wouldn't be in Milwaukee long-term, but it didn't get real until the past month.

It's been hard to realize I'll never drive by Miller Park, and a casino on the way to or from work. That my roommate will never again score me tickets to an NBA Playoff game where he works. That lawyers with no charisma will no longer be in commercials on my local TV. That I won't be joined by anyone in Vermont by "urban speak" that doesn't make me cringe just a little. That my time in Milwaukee is nearly over.

I didn't write too much until now because I'm not sure where to start... or even contemplate an ending. It's tough to be a guy like me when you don't know how to say what you feel.

I guess the thing I've learned the most about my time in Milwaukee is that life is not always what you expect. I knew this before, but this was a solid example. Nothing here was like I expected, and not all of that unexpected was bad. Some was just life happening and some was me happening in life. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that my time here is over... I never expected it to go this way.

I know I previously posted that I wanted to thank the Bradley Center for being the reason I came out here, and I still do thank them and I take nothing back I've said. However, it's very safe to say that I simply never fully recovered from the termination there. I couldn't even get part-time work at Target during the holidays. Thank God the Pettit National Ice Center gave me somewhere else to be once in awhile and a way to make some of my own money. I hated being on unemployment. I missed having benefits, and I missed being a part of a workforce where I felt like I was doing something important. I liked working at the Pettit, but felt like making the ice was all I did... it simply wasn't enough for me.

Aside from professionally I also never really felt I had it all here. To me, "having it all" is having a great place to live, great friends, and a great and secure job. I guess maybe I had 2 days on top after all. Without those things I feel like life becomes a path towards achieving that. And when I'm doing that I tend to forget to enjoy everything else.

I do feel like the people I was closest to here got to see the real me in bits and pieces enough to know what I'm about. I tried like hell to not have it come to this, but the pieces fell in to place too perfectly, and it's the best thing for me right now. I think that's why no one has given me even a tiny bit of crap about leaving. They know, like do, that like splitting aces at the blackjack table, that it's my only play here. It might workout and it might not, but given the choice you'd always split aces.

I hope you stay with me here as I make reference to a song by Miley Cyrus. Say what you will about her, or my liking of her in anyway but just know how important her song, The Climb, is to me. Rarely in life does an entire song capture your place in the world. This song captures all about me and my want to move to Milwaukee, my time here, and the end result. I hope the next time you hear it you listen to how it captures my situation. Most notably though moving forward I give you the chorus:

There's always gonna be another mountain.
I'm always gonna wanna make it move.
I always gonna be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose.
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side.
It's the climb.

I can't say I enjoyed every moment of this "climb" through Milwaukee because I always wanted to move mountains. I wanted to learn all about my job, and eventually find a better place in the area to live. I wanted to get on top financially and take in all that Milwaukee had to offer. I wanted to meet new people at almost any cost. The world was new at every turn and gradually over time I started to enjoy the "climb." I lost a lot of uphill battles here, but I took solace in the ones that were completed or at least going well. I'll admit that some of my lowest moments in life took place here, but also some of my highest. That's what made my time here so special, and what makes leaving so hard.

Tomorrow I have 3 major things to do. Make sure the trailer with my stuff is picked up. Swing by the Bradley Center to say good-bye to Dan, Neil, Rueben and Derrick. Then leave town. Not going to be easy, but something I have to do.

If you know me at all and I'm guessing if your reading this, you do. You'll know how many times I've had to stop writing to compose myself. I could probably write on for hours, but I need to keep this brief for now. I haven't blogged this hard in a long while.

For now I must embrace the future. So often as I've told my tale about being from Vermont to people here, I have always been asked the same question: "How do you walk away from all that?" My answer is always relating to wanting to live in a big city and try my hand at a cool job unlike anything Vermont could provide. However their question always stuck with me. Somedays it was hard to figure out why I did leave. But at the end of it all I wouldn't have changed my path here... maybe somethings along that path, but luckily I can look back at them all and gain the perspective from all the experiences that I went through here.

What makes this so hard for me is that this is where my dreams came true. This is also where they were shattered. This is where I tried to pick up the pieces and keep moving forward, but the road led me back to Vermont. I can't help but feel hurt that I was close to having the things I'd always wanted. I even had them for awhile, but now it's over. There will always be so many "what ifs" for me when I think about my time here. I've always tried to live my life with no regrets but sadly I'll always have some when I think of Milwaukee. I was overwhelmed often by life and my defense was laying low, and trying to take the high road.

They say you shouldn't shop for groceries when you're hungry and by that same token maybe you shouldn't blog when you're upset. Hopefully this mis-matched bunch of thoughts makes some since to you. Getting them out is helpful for me so even if you don't pick up what I'm puttin' down at least I get that out of it.

Basically what I'm trying to say is that, "there's always gonna be another mountain, and I'm always gonna wanna make it move." Now those mountains are green once again. It took my "climb" here in Milwaukee to fully understand that I can do anything. And perhaps more importantly, I can enjoy and learn along the way, but I'd never want to do it alone.

Thank you to everyone who helped this happen. From financial to mental, and moral support. But I would be a fool to not thank Neil and Dan. Without getting into it too far I'll just say I couldn't have done it without them.

Also to my parents: I'm sorry you had to get so many calls from me with bad news during my time here. I actually used to have nightmares about calling you with more bad news. Thank you for being there for me, at every step along the way. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I know this was as hard on you as it was me, and I'm glad that you NEVER made me feel bad for taking such a chance with my life. I love knowing that you supported me in this effort despite your inner thoughts. I don't know if I could be that strong, but I'm so glad you were. As always you let me discover things on my own terms. That kind of support is priceless and could never be replaced.

I have a chance to start over again in my hometown. I'll work to get back the parts I loved, and use my new outlook to find the things, people, and places that make me happy. I'll have the same folks around me that got me through my first 29 years in Vermont, and I'll meet some new ones too. It's hard to be excited about going back right now, because even though I only have mere hours left in Milwaukee I still have some big things to do.

I'll check in from the road. The Pich' has left Milwaukee, and it has left a special place in my heart forever.